At first glance, this Name doesn’t feel so comforting because I immediately recognise that I have to sincerely try and see what I have to be regretful for, and that is an uncomfortable feeling I would like to avoid – it means I am wrong, and so my pride resists.
However, my relationship with this Name is transforming my relationship with God, as all the Names do I expect! And this week, as I was reading the contemplation card for this Name, I noticed the illustration was one of a beautiful embrace between two people – I believe a loving teacher and student.
This really struck me as a wonderful depiction of repentance as the act of turning and returning into God’s embrace. I feel more and more certain as I spend time with this beautiful Name that this is something our loving Tawwab is guiding us towards in so many ways, and just waiting for us to do.
This includes sending us the beloved teachers and sincere hearts we have in our lives to remind us of our souls’ longing to turn towards our Allah. It reminds me very much of the zhikr of astagfrullah (“may God forgive me”) – this zhikr has a beautiful intimacy to it and now so does the Name at-Tawwab.
We are so blessed to have such a Friend waiting for us, and willing and happy to forgive us – it makes the pride easier and easier to let go of…